Can't sleep... clowns

More accurately, medication. But medication is kind of like clowns... annoying, scary, distracting at Mass...

Anyway, so I've been doing research on my new meds due to a series of minor side effects I've had. I'm calling my doctor tomorrow. most of the research I've done indicates that most people don't have such severe symptoms till they get to the 4.5mg dose. I'm on the 1.5.

I can't sleep more than 5 hours, which is annoying because I like to go to bed around 10pm. I'm desperately tired throughout the day, but wide awake at night. I don't understand why the docs tell people to take this at night. It's better (and worse!) than caffeine! I also don't tend to need much sleep as it is, but the getting up at 3am every day is annoying.

Because it's designed to bind with endorphins, it tends to be a mood booster. Well, I've found myself in a chemical depression due to it for the past few days. This morning is the first time I've felt any sort of positive thing from it. I've been on it for 5 days. Love for God was the only thing that got me to Mass this morning. Luckily, the depression (manifesting as lack of motivation, sluggishness, cloudy-headedness, irritability, and crying at random things [oh, I don't know, like when James was joking that I'll never get a job and we'll never get married]) seems to be the type that you can force yourself out of when necessary. The piles upon piles of dishes in my kitchen will say otherwise, but there have been other symptoms I've had too work out of myself.

I've been getting really nauseated. I almost had to pull over after Mass today cause I started getting lightheaded and nauseated. Yet again, forced concentration worked to minimize it enough to be able to safely get home, then I laid down for a few hours.

I go back and forth from feeling like I'm going to throw up to feeling like I can run a marathon. It's annoying.

Other symptoms:
- getting chills (though I've been having on-and-off fevers/infections so I don't know what's causing that)
- crying at everything (seriously,I tell James, "I'm never going to find a job and we'll never be able to get married!" and he goes,."That's okay, we'll just wait 5 or  10 years till I get successful in my writing, and then I'll need to hire a secretary! ...Jane? ...Jane, are you crying? Why are you crying? I was being sarcastic..." I seriously will be acquitted for his murder one day)
- dizziness upon standing. I've walked into a few things and fallen into walls (much more often than normal) when getting up in the middle of the night.
- getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and just going in general, happens more often now.

All of this and no real difference in pain. I mean, he told me it would take a month or two to really be effective, but it's annoying when I read reports of all these people who had results like the next day. I have exactly three weeks of my old medicine left. I will note, now, though, that for the first time I'm thinking about the pain in my side and I don't feel it. I feel a certain fullness or thickness, maybe slight tenderness, but I'm not feeling the pain that's been so burdensome. Usually, even on my other medicine, if I think about the pain I can feel it to a small (but substantial) degree.

I'm feeling slightly tired again, so I'm going to try and sleep again. There's nothing important I can do right now while everyone is asleep upstairs anyway.